Body Image and Self-Esteem

As a mom of two girls I usually feel compelled to click through when I see something out there in Internet land that is talking about body image and self esteem. 

Because body image and self-esteem are definitely two of the biggest issues out there for young girls.

 

This week the Internet was pretty much burning up with body image and self-esteem talk between Disney glamorizing Merida for her Princess inauguration and the Abercrombie and Fitch CEO talking about how his clothes are only for the "cool kids".  The good looking and skinny cool kids, that is.

I am not a reactionary person so it has taken me a few days to mull over my thoughts.   I am also not an activist in any way.  I am not afraid to stand up to things that I believe are wrong, in my own introverted way, especially if those thing affect my children, but I definitely am not one out there lobbying for change. 

 

So I have spent several days reading lots of opinions about whether I should be outraged about these two events, especially as a mom of two girls. 

 

Hmmmm

 

It took me awhile to decide whether I truly believed that the Abercrombie and Fitch's CEO decision to only create clothes for the "cool kids" was going to be demoralizing for my girls.  Or whether I thought that Disney's feminizing and glamorizing of Merida was going to affect my girls image of themselves as strong and independent girls.

 

And I decided...No

 

No

 

These two events will have little or no impact on girls body image or self-esteem.

 

Not that I don't think that the CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch is a total a**.  He surely is repressing some deep dark insecurities.  I just don't think that his a**iness will in any way make my strong, athletic, independent girls think less of themselves. 

 

Not that I don't think that the fact that Disney feels like they have to make Merida look more conventionally Princess-like in order to better market her sucks.  I just don't think that my girls will even notice.  The fact is as much as they love Disney they have just never been Princessy girls.  It's just not who they are.

 

Now I know that people will tell me that the two events from this week are just symptoms of a bigger problem in our society.  A bigger problem that is being projected onto our little girls.

 

Maybe?

 

Probably?

 

But I still don't think that it will change the way my girls view themselves.

 

Because I believe that I have the most control over how my girls view themselves.

 

I think that I can control what affects my girls self-esteem and body image.  And not by limiting what they watch on TV or where they shop for their clothes.

 

I control how I present myself to them.  I control the other women and mentors who are in their lives.  I control the men and boys that allowed in their life and control what is acceptable and what is not.

 

Me

 

I do all that.

 

My own self-image, my own self-doubts, my own self-esteem is what will be reflected back to me in my girls. 

 

So in my house I have made some choices.

 

I don't talk about diets.  I talk about moderation and healthy choices.

 

I don't talk about getting skinny.  I talk about getting stronger.  Healthier.  More fit.

 

I don't talk about a number on a scale.  I talk about muscles and endurance.  All three of my children love to "show their guns", their biceps.

 

I try very very hard not to talk about the my own body parts that I don't like in a negative way (this one is probably the hardest).  Instead the girls and I joke about all of us being gifted a rather generous booty.  It's ours, we own it.

 

And my girls are surrounded by other strong and independent women of all shapes and sizes.  Some who work outside the home and some who don't.  Some who work out and some who don't.  Some who are outspoken and extroverted and some who are introverted and quiet.  Some who have envy worthy bodies and some who are just not as concerned.  But these are all women who bring something positive to the table.  And women who I don't mind my girls looking up to.  Women who I consider role models.  Handpicked by me as potential influencers of my daughters. 

 

And SuperHubby and I talk, especially with our two oldest, about what is acceptable in a flirting, jokey fun boy/girl way and what is not.  Early this year TeenStar revealed to us several incidents of behavior from the boys in her grade that were disturbing to us.  TeenStar and I spent a lot of time talking through what was okay and what wasn't.  Fortunately my TeenStar is a tough cookie and she had the situation under control for herself and was more concerned for her friends.  When I told SuperHubby about what was going on in the middle school his immediate reaction was to talk to our son, who also goes to the middle school.  He wanted to make sure that he understood that the things he was seeing were not acceptable in any way. 

 

I admit that mainstream culture may influence my children in some ways.  We obviously don't live under a rock. 

 

But in no way will mainstream culture or the CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch or Disney be the predominant influencer of my children's self-esteem and body image.

 

Because that is my job. 

 

How do you feel about the controversial events from this week?

 

Mother's Day 2013

Mother's Day 2013 is a wrap.

 

Back in the day when my babies were actually babies Mother's Day was spent doing something very family friendly (think zoo, park, etc) and relaxing.  I planned out the whole weekend so that I would not have to do any "chores" on Mother's Day.  SuperHubby usually cooked a special dinner and my children went to bed early after a fun family day.

 

Sigh...it was nice.

 

Now things are a little different.  For the past few years we have spent Mother's Day at some field or another for at least part of the day.  This Mother's Day was no different.  In fact this Mother's Day we even had an additional game to go to since Princess is now old enough to be on a team.

 

I did get to sleep in a little (and believe me it was needed).  I woke up at 8:15 and wandered downstairs to find Princess and Golden Boy preparing a breakfast for me.  TweenStar and SuperHubby had already left for her game which was an hour away and started at 10:00.  I have to admit that I intercepted my youngest two children's  attempt at breakfast so that I didn't end up with a mess on my hands.  Golden Boy did make me a nice cup of tea.

 

I opened my presents and cards. One of which was a "book" that Princess made me for me that included her interpretation of some of my favorite things.  Apparently I talk about my need to relax quite a bit because Princess answered that I like it when it was night and I really like to relax and I am most happy when I get to relax.  I am not sure if that is funny or disturbing.  I do know that the last two months have been VERY busy at our house.

 

At noon the three of us left for our day at the fields.  We met TweenStar and SuperHubby there.  And a day that started out dark and rainy turned warm and for the most part sunny which was lovely.  And all three of my children played their little hearts out in their lacrosse games.  TweenStar's team won their first game and she scored four goals in the victory.  Golden Boy's team lost, but he played awesomely.  Princess's team won (Not that we are supposed to keep score at this age, but honestly the kids do.  They like to know if their team wins or loses and are not even devastated when it is a loss despite what the experts tell us.) and she played her little heart out.  I can't tell you how much fun it is to watch these little girls play lacrosse with so much intensity and heart.

 


It's game time!  I love Princess's expression in this picture.

 

At each game the players gave their moms carnations.  This is the Mom team picture from Princess's team

 

After the game we went out for an early dinner.  And my tired and cranky child fought a lot.  But at least I didn't have to cook and clean up.  So there was that.

 

And then it was home for showers, a little laundry, and some snuggles with my youngest.

 

This is her favorite thing to do when she wants a little mommy snuggle time.

 

 

So maybe it wasn't a day at the spa.  Or dinner at a 5 star restaurant.  And maybe I still had to do some chores.  And maybe my children argued a little lot.

 

But it was Mother's Day and I was so happy that I had three beautiful children and a wonderful husband to help me celebrate.

 

And a picture of the girl who started the whole Mother's Day thing for me.  She was being a little bit of a teen all weekend and refused to get into any good pictures even though she takes about 20 selfies each day.  Sigh

 

How did you celebrate Mother's Day?

Definitely Not 22

I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22

 

Okay maybe not so much...

 

A couple of weekends ago I went out with some friends for a Bachelorette Party.

 

Even saying the words Bachelorette Party makes me feel old and dated.

 

My Bachelorette days were a long time ago (Like 15 years this November!!!)

 

It was a good time, but I definitely learned that my days of going out for a LONG night on the town are over.

 

Five Things I learned from Bachelorette Partying it up... (in no particular order)

 

 

1.  The day after is not nearly as much fun. 

 

      Back in the day the day after a long night of "good times" was nearly as much fun as the actually long night.  My girl friends and I would spend the day curled up in our comfy clothes on couches and beds watching movies (if it was winter) or lying out in the sun (when it was warm).  We would eat lots of bad for you food to ward off the ick from a few too many drinks and tell all the stories from our night out. 

      Today when I get home at 2:30, I am back up at 8:00, to take TeenStar to a 9:30 lacrosse (the first of three lacrosse games I went to that day).  I still hung out in the sun all day; I just spent the time actually avoiding people because I just didn't have it in me to make small talk.  I also spent the day with my 13 year old, 11 year old, and 6 year old in their various stages of crankiness, hungriness(is that a word?), and I need a drinkness which is not that fun on a day when I have had 8 hours of sleep and not drank one or two or many beers the night before.  And I had to cook dinner and grocery shop that day.  Yah it kind of  not so great.

 

 

2.  Shots.  Specifically a white liquid shot in a sperm shaped receptacle.

 

      When I was 22 I probably would have felt fun and silly drinking a "sperm shot" at the Drag Queen show. I say probably because I never actually did a sperm shot at a Drag Queen show when I was 22.  At 40 a "sperm shot" just feels awkward. 

 

 

 

3.  Pre Party Prep.

 

     When I was young and single this was almost more fun than the actual night out.  My girlfriends and I would gather together to "pre game".  With fun music blaring and drinks in hand we would trade clothes, shoes, and make up.  The anticipation and "feel good" vibe was awesome.  Now I got ready in about 30 minutes with the "help" of my 13 year old and 6 year old.  My youngest spent the whole time begging me not to go (because that is what she does every time I go out) until I became so irritated that I might have yelled.  The highlight of my pre-gameing was when my 13 year old told me that the way I had styled my hair (and I use the term styled loosely here) made me look young.  And by young I am assuming she meant like 30 not 22.

 

 

 

4.  Post drinking food

 

     One of the best parts about drinking (for me) used to be the how good all that greasy and bad for you food would taste at 2:00 am.  Pizza dipped in blue cheese dressing was da bomb.  And calories were not a concern.  Towards the end of my big night we stopped for McDonald's.  It was about 12:30 am.  I ordered the Big Mac meal.  I haven't had a Big Mac meal in about a decade.  I am not going to lie, at first it was awesome.  Like really really really awesome.  And I ate just about whole big ol' combo meal (I did get a water instead of a soda if that counts for anything).  Unfortunately the food utopia only lasted about 30 minutes.  And then I just felt nauseous.  I was definitely in a not so great place.  And by a not so great place I mean I was this close to asking that limo driver to pull over.  And the next morning I was definitely regretting my over 1000 calorie midnight snack.  Do you know how many burpees and sit ups are needed to burn a post beer binge Big Mac meal?  Me neither, but I am guessing a lot.

 

 

 

5.  The pee problem.

 

When you drink you pee a lot.  It's natural.  When you are 40, have had three c-sections, and are drinking you have to pee even more than a lot.  On that night let's just say that I may have paid the cover charge at a bar just to get in to pee.  That's right I paid money to pay in a bar's bathroom.  It's just not right.

 

The night was fun.  The people were entertaining.  But I think I will let those "young folks" handle the Bachelorette parties from now on.

I am linking up with Shell today to Pour My Heart Out.